Anger management!!

In my last trip to India, I heard a few horrifying news of people being killed by enraged mobs. One particular news was of a father being killed by such a mob in front of his child – just because the ball they were playing with, hit a scooter rider.

What must have been the scene in front of the kid! A relaxed, fun Sunday morning with daddy, turned into a lifetime of horror. Somehow, this particular piece of news has stuck on with me. My thoughts often drift towards the incident. Imagine, after a long grilling week, you decide to spend some quality time with your kid. There’s a fun and happy environment in the family. Personally to me, the sight of a father and kid playing together is a very heartwarming sight. The mom, the grand mom might have looked out from the window, with a warm smile. Suddenly, a small ball takes a detour outside the house compound, and the whole scenario changes. Instead of the happy chilled out dad, you see a limp body, lying in a pool of blood. Instead of the playful kid, you see a scared child- his heart marked with a lifetime of damage. Imagine the horror in the eyes of the mom and the grand mom. All this - why? Because two people could not tolerate a ball hitting their scooter. And they were powerful enough to arrange quite a crowd to beat up a poor fellow.

Oh! I’m sorry! Did I just say tolerate? I forgot that tolerance (or rather intolerance) is a sensitive topic in India. But as a society, can we explain to that young kid, the sudden upheaval in his otherwise normal life?

And this is not the only instance of fits of anger we’ve heard. Of course, the social media is full of such incidents all over the world. But in our day to day life too, we come across so many instances, when either we or somebody else are working under the control of rage.

Sometimes, I think we’re a world full of angry, frustrated people – the least in tune with our feelings. There are places, where we get very upset- but we have to suppress them to save a job, a relationship, an image. Then those suppressed feelings come out with a blast, wherever the pressure is less and our authority is more. All, cases of mismanaged anger. Then we justify our anger with FB posts like “people who get angrier, are the purest at heart!” oh! Really?

And to say, we are the most technologically equipped generation ever!! A technology, which caters to all your needs- even stress management. We have all kinds of articles and books available on mindfulness, stress, anger, anxiety- you name it, and we have it. Still we get stressed and super enraged at the drop of a hat.

What are we passing on to our future generations? Nowadays, parents who hit their kids are looked down upon- and even punished in some countries. In school, good teaching practice involves being calm and supportive to the students. And still, our kids are either killing themselves or their peers due to uncontrolled emotions. Take away the TV remote from a two year old, and see how he blasts on you for the offence!

In our friendships and relationships, we are the most vulnerable ever. We have more freedom and capability to choose our friends & partners. Still we see so many friendships breaking and more partners separating than ever.

Perhaps, we have been in the ‘chalta hai’ (it’s ok) era for too long. And now, we all are craving to get out of that ‘chalta hai’ mode. Which is good in many ways of course! After all, we should not tolerate oppression or cheating or any other vice. True! But haven’t we taken it a tad too far? Now, there’s nothing which is ‘chalta hai’. We only want the best – nothing but the best! From ourselves, from other people. Anything less than the best, upsets us- if not infuriate! And many such incidents throughout the day builds up our anger inside and then it bursts out in the least expected time.

Yes, we should put the best effort we can in anything we do. Yes, we need to get the best service possible if we are putting in our hard earned money. But, don’t we have to be our best selves possible? Don’t we need to treat others, or for that matter ourselves, in the best possible manner?

What kind of anger management technique will stop us in the downward spiraling path? What kind of yoga, mindfulness or religion? What kind of government action do we need so we learn to react according to the intensity of a situation? Does the answer lie outside? Or do we have to just do a deep soul searching to find our peace? Reminds me of a line my dad used to sing when we were small- ‘ki koribo kothay jabo? Kothay gele shanti pabo?’ (What do I do, where do I go? Which place will give me peace?).

I pray to God that we all get that peace in our heart. May we all discover the act, the place, which will bring us peace.